warriors of virtue

back when this movie came out i was just entering high school and knew i was too old to see a childish movie like this. but i really wanted too! i dont remember quite why i wanted to see it, i think i just really dug the title. well, it was on our free movie channel recently, so i figured i would fulfill my desire from all those years ago and watch it.  turns out i was not missing anything at all!  the story follows a boy who finds himself in a strange and mysterious land while trying to evade the bullies back home.  well, this land is filled with strange creatures, among them are a small group of kangaroo type figures that know some sort of elemental kung fu.  imagine teenage mutant ninja turtles mixed with captain planet.  sound good?  dont worry, its worse than you think!  the warriors' puppetry is not so great, it felt like the a step down from the first turtles movie in terms of quality.  the story line is just as hokey as you might expect: the warriors must fight against the bad guy who wants to take over, and the only way they can win is if the kid from another world learns how to stand up to bullies.  hey, thats really going to help when he gets back home, huh?  ugh.  but by far the worst part of the movie is its obsession with camera tricks!  digital filters must have just been invented when they were making this movie, because they are used way too much!  its like the director found a new toy and wants to use it in every scene.  although, maybe they just use the blur filter and motion blur whenever the warriors are fighting because they too realize how bad the puppetry is! maybe this would have been impressive back when it came out, but today it would be too stupid to even air on a children's cable channel.  

bone dry

i picked this one up on a whim.  i dig lance henriksen, and love luke goss from the blade 2 and hellboy 2.  every once in a while the local movie rental place has deals to try and thin out their old stock, and usually i can find deals for pretty cheap.  its a good thing i only paid a buck for this one, cause that about all its worth.  the story starts with goss waking up in the middle of the desert.  he has been kidnapped and now must try to survive in the brutal heat while the man responsible watches from a distance.  goss has a walkie talkie, so he knows that someone is watching him and harassing him through out the whole ordeal.  can he find it back to civilization before the man responsible does his worst?  the set up could be interesting, and the cast is pretty cool, but the movie falls into the rut of a brutal horror victim film, where the violence serves no purpose other than to see the suffering.  this one is exactly what one thinks of when the term 'straight to video' comes up.

dragonheart

good try, but not quite there.  this is a film that came too soon, the special effects werent quite ready to handle an emotive dragon yet.  also, if they had waited a few more years they could have capitalized on the whole fantasy genre that would soon come into fashion around the lord of the rings movies.  the story follows dennis quaid, a dragon hunter, as he tries to kill the last dragon.  the dragon, which is voiced by none other than sean connery himself, doesnt look as good as it should.  some of the scenes look ok, but most of them are pretty obvious that the cg wasnt quite up to the quality they needed to make this work.  also, for having a cg dragon as your main character, they do some pretty obvious tricks to keep him off screen.  hmm, maybe they realized that they couldnt pull it off too, huh?

30 minutes or less

i liked the set up, but the follow through was a bit lacking.  our main character, played by jesse eisenberg, delivers pizza for a living.  its not the best job and he knows it, but it pays the bills for now.  well, one night, on his last delivery, he brings a pizza over to two crazy guys who strap a bomb on him and tell him he has twenty four hours to rob a bank or else they will blow him up.  yikes!  some of this premise is pretty funny, following the two friends as they try to deal with this ridiculous situation has quite a few laughs, but that could be more due to the fact that eisenberg and aziz ansari are really likable and fun.  but just as much of the film doesnt work, namely anything with danny mcbride in it.  sure, i've enjoyed mcbride in other rolls, he is great in 'eastbound and down', but everything he does in this one just falls flat.  the fun of the two friends cannot overcome the terrible failure of the guys behind the bomb.  on a side note, it was kind of cool to watch this movie because it was filmed in my hometown of grand rapids, michigan!  it was pretty cool to recognize many of the different locations and know the places where the story took place.

intolerable cruelty

a love story about a divorce lawyer.  kinda strange, huh?  well, its directed by the coen brothers, so its very strange!  clooney plays a divorce lawyer who is the best in the business, he is able to take husbands who are caught in the act of cheating, and get them to win their divorce settlement.  he is doing well in his job, he even gets congratulations from the mysterious head of the law firm.  and then he gets a case where he meets catherine zeta-jones, the ultimate divorce law player.  she has been married so many times that this whole divorce thing is a game she plays in order to make a fortune for herself.  well, clooney is smitten and she is showing interest in him as well, but is it real or is she playing him too?  this could have been a pretty straight forward romantic comedy, but in the hands of the coen brothers it becomes this strange quirky thing.  from their rhythmic dialog to the strange secondary characters, the twists and turns along the way are quite unusual.  the brothers did this sort of strange love story again with 'burn after reading', and if you ever saw that, then you know how differently the coens can twist a normal story.

the rite

another catholic horror movie, huh?  these things were really big for a while back in the 90's.  writers would find one strange belief from a couple hundred years ago in the catholic church, and then exploit and extrapolate on that, trying to make it as strange and creepy as possible.  well, this one is a bit more basic.  it deals with the practice of exorcism as it is today.  we follow a young man as he enters the training to become a priest even though he doesnt really believe.  after nearly completing the program he submits his resignation letter, citing his lack of belief.  at this, his headmaster invites him to spend some time with one of the priests in the area who he might be able to learn something from.  this particular priest, played with scenery-chewing gusto, by anthony hopkins.  this film rises above the rest of those older catholic horror movies by taking the act of faith seriously.  through out the movie our main character is always skeptical, never really accepting the 'religious' reasoning behind what is going on.  this period of doubt and questioning creates an opportunity to deal with what faith is and if it is important to actually believe, or if you can get away with just 'talking the talk'.  it is a bit 'by the numbers', but anthony hopkins is, as always, fun to watch!

exporting raymond

does humor translate into different cultures?  this is the question that the subject of this documentary is trying to examine.  the film follows phil rosenthal as he tries to bring his hit comedy 'everybody loves raymond' to russia.  we follow phil as he travels to russia a couple times to try and get this translation off the ground and on the air.  he faces many challenges, not the least of which is the huge cultural barrier between america and russia.  the film examines rosenthal's struggle with the burgeoning field of television in russia.  rosenthal runs into problems with writers not entirely understanding the style of humor, actors being cast who dont understand the role at all, and just about every other thing you can think of!  its a very interesting look at the culture clash between two different people and how, when all the extra stuff it peeled away, we are all basically the same and can find humor and joy in the universal experience of love and family.

mod squad

its pretty easy to see why this one failed when it first came out: because it is not at all interesting!  i know i'm not exactly the target audience for this one, i have never seen a single episode of the original tv show, in fact i didnt know there was a tv show called 'mod squad' until this movie came out!  the story follows these three criminals who have now joined the police squad as inside agents trying to get rid of the bad guys.  their one advocate on the police force is killed and now the rest of the police want to get rid of them.  well, it turns out, unsurprisingly enough, that the cops are corrupt.  so the three of them have to work outside the system to take it down.  perhaps its due to my lack of knowledge (or interest) in the source material, or maybe its the fact that these three good actors are really slumming it here, or maybe its the lame story thats been told hundreds of times better.  i'm not sure what it is, but this movie was no good at all!

the dilemma

this wasnt quite what i expected!  knowing the two guys invloved, vince vaughn and kevin james, i was expecting this to be a pretty silly comedy.  turns out, its a pretty dark character driven story about fidelity and friendship.  the premise follows two friends as they work together.  as one is planning on proposing to his girlfriend, he discovers that the other friend's wife has been cheating on him.  this can go a few different ways, but what surprised me was the fact that they didnt go for the more comedic route, but rather wrestled with the darker truth of marriage and how some marriages arent perfect.  this felt like new territory for a movie, especially a comedy staring vaughn and james!  though i was impressed with the handling of the subject matter, i was still frustrated by how it played out.  at times these two characters acted like real people living in a challenging world filled with shades of grey, but other times they acted like really stupid characters who would make terrible choices just to keep the struggles going.  for example, vaughn's character really struggles with what he should do, should he tell his friend about what is going on, even if it hurts their friendship and their work?  his responses at times are thoughtful and organic- like someone who would actually struggle with this choice in real life.  but then other times he acts in a way that is not even remotely logical, and in fact goes against everything we know about the character!  are we really supposed to believe that he would be so emphatic about being honest with his friend while telling lie after lie after lie to his girlfriend?  especially when it would be 1000 times easier to just tell her the truth?  there is no reason for this story to have so many difficult problems, other than that it helps the story.  not based on what would actually happen, but rather the characters act in a way that keeps the 'kooky high jinx' going for a little while longer.  too bad, there are really moments in this movie of greatness, but it too often gets caught in its own formulaic nonsense.

mr. poppers penguins

yup, its just as bad as you think it is.  the work obsessed dad neglects his kids and is trying to land an important deal that will allow him to be really successful at his work.  everything is going his way right up until he receives six penguins as an inheritance from his recently deceased absentee father.  these pesky penguins ruin everything!  his important deal with a client suffers, but his son and daughter suddenly like their dad again so he keeps the penguins as a way to connect.  many hilarious penguin related high jinx ensue.  dad finds his heart and realizes how important family is and even lands that important client and closes that great deal.  oh, and he gets back together with his ex wife, because that's what every child from a divorced home wants, so lets make sure we gloss over that and do a little fantasy fulfillment while we are at it.  this is cheap sentimental entertainment at its worst!  none of the character developments are earned or in any way represent reality, but it feels good, so we are expected to go with it!  the bad guy in the film is an animal care person from the zoo, you know, someone who actually knows whats best for the penguins and has the best interests of the animals in mind instead of using them to fix the family that popper selfishly broke in the first place.  tacked on ending aside, these birds would have been much better off if the zoo worker had won!  always a great lesson for the kids to learn, that the mature responsible person is evil, and the careless selfish person is the hero, right?  mr. carrey, you can do much better than this.

rising sun

based on the novel by michael crichton, this movie follows the investigation of a death that may be linked to a very important japanese business deal.  snipes' police detective is called in to deal with the situation and he has to work with a japanese liaison played by sean connery.  they have to figure out how and why a woman was killed in the boardroom the same night as, one floor above, and important business party that plays heavy on weather or not this japanese deal will go through.  we follow  the pair as they try to get down to the truth of what happened, following false leads, discovering new clues, and all the challenges along the way.  this is an older film, and it certainly is now showing its age.  a lot of the plot hinges on different technological advances, which today is taken for granted, is marveled at by the people in the movie.  what?  digital video can be manipulated?!?  no way!  what was cutting edge at the time, today is considered elementary.  there are still enough twists and turns to throw us off the final reveal, but even with the unexpected conclusion, the whole thing feels pretty standard.  i'm sure this was an interesting movie back before there were 5 cop shows on tv every night of the week, but today it fills a bit flat.
oh, and on a side note, how funny is it that sean connery never changes who he is no matter what the role calls for?  in this one he is supposedly one of the most learned men when it comes to japanese culture and understanding the mindset of business, but still he acts and sounds the same as he did in every other movie he has ever made!  now thats a movie star!

fast five

i've never been a huge fan of the 'fast and furious' movies, in fact i have only seen the first two, and those only because i have friends who are in to cars.  this one though, has the rock in it, and he's always cool!  not having seen the last two, i may have been a bit behind as far as it goes with story, but this film does a pretty good job of filling me in with what has been going on since last i saw (though i have no idea why paul walker is a bad guy now.  wasnt he a cop in the first two?), reviewing the relationships between the characters as well as the death of another.  the story follows the gang as they try to take money from a crooked bad guy in rio.  the story isnt fleshed out much, but this is a car movie, so the plot really isnt the point, is it?  the key here is the action- and there is a ton of it!  we see cars racing, cars jumping, cars turning, cars crashing, cars doing just about anything they could think of that would be both fast and furious.  though i would not really consider myself a big car guy, i must admit i rather liked this film!  perhaps it was the 'oceans eleven' sense of getting together all the greatest characters from previous entries in order to do a big heist, or maybe it was the tight editing and absurdly illogical action, or maybe it was just the fact that the rock is awesome.  i dont know exactly why, but this movie was a ton of fun to watch!  it was kind of funny to see two big muscly bald guys fight it out in the same movie, with the rock and vin diesel being basically the same thing.  good thinking having the rock grow a goatee for this one, otherwise there would be no way to tell them apart!  i must say, if the third or fourth one are nearly as fun as this one, maybe i should go back and check them out.

something borrowed

first of all, you know you are in for a terrible movie whenever it has kate hudson in the cast, right?  well, the wife wanted to watch it and i got suckered into it.  at least the rest of the cast is pretty likable- its got ginnifer goodwin (from 'once upon a time'), john krasinski (from 'the office'), and steve howey (who i loved from 'reba').  though it has the huge strike against it of having kate hudson in it, it kind of worked because she is supposed to be someone you dont like.  well then, perfect casting!  the story follows two friends who fall for the same guy, the problem is that one of the friends keeps quite about it for six years while the other dates him and is now about to marry him.  well, wouldnt you know it, its time for the silent girl to finally speak up!  the whole thing is pretty predictable, but i do give it credit for having an ending that is somewhat realistic when it comes to the aftermath of the climax.  one of my big problems with it, though, is the casting.  sure, its filled with some pretty good actors, but for some reason the decide to have krasinski as the best friend, not as the romantic lead.  what?  they had two actors that are a ton of fun to watch every time they are on screen: krasinki as the best friend, and howey as the ex.  what a waste!  instead they fill that role with a charisma-free random guy who kinda looks like jared leto.  okay...  as an audience member i kept wondering why these two girls care about the boring guy when they have two other guys who are infinitely more interesting and funny!  ugh.

his way

this film is a documentary about the hollywood legend jerry weintraub.  'who is that?' you might ask, well thats a good question.  i didnt know who it was either until i saw this movie!  it seems that he is a very highly regarded hollywood mogal, meaning that he was someone who worked behind the scenes making things happen.  the film go back to his early life when he was a boy and first learned to get things done by taking after his salesman father.  from there it talks about his role in managing a tour for elvis and finding great success, working with frank sinatra and a bunch of others to great success, and eventually setting his sights on movie making.  he would sweet talk his way to millions, creating his own quarter billion dollar empire.  though there were some rises and falls along the way, the film creates a loving portrait into the life and mindset of this entertainment icon.  i learned a lot about him and really enjoyed to interesting story and the great anecdotes about what life was like for him through the years.